Attention All Layabouts

I advise everyone to cancel their plans to become poor immediately. It's looking like it's not going to work out for you the way it might've used to, in the good old days when welfare mothers led carefree lives with Joe and Norma Taxpayer picking up the bill. Not everyone remembers this, but the welfare state used to be so desirable that people were literally burning their bearer bonds in the streets, just so they could become poor and take advantage of the rewards that entail. Remember that? No? Well, you're just getting senile, probably.

Because it was happening, no doubt. And Congress was not pleased. "No more of that, we say...the champagne and oyster crackers on the Potomac must end!" So they've done a few things to take the poor people down a notch. Back in the 90s, the Congress decided to reform welfare so that all those women who were basking in the joy of childbirth over and over again and then sitting around eating bonbons would have to get up and work. The result? Declining welfare rolls, all right. Seems to be working. Also, when you stop counting the number of times your house is robbed, your records will reflect that your house has been robbed less. No need to move; just stop counting.

Now, Congress was justifiably pleased with itself for this reform of welfare. The president at the time, a guy named Bill Clinton, tried to take credit for it, but everyone knows that Congress writes the laws. And they felt good about it. But then, about a decade later, Congress looked around and was still displeased with the uppity manner these poor people were displaying all the time. Sometimes, for example, these loafers simply refused to pay money the owed at all. Imagine the nerve! What's more, this was legal! How crazy is that? Clearly, something had to be done.

So Congress passed its bankruptcy reform act, making it harder for people who owe money to credit card companies to have their debts discharged. And things are good again...for now. But you can just bet that, sometime soon, those poor people will start walking around with their noses in the air again. And when that day comes...