Here's How

The only way to create democracy in the Middle East:

1. Let the dictators, be they evil secular thugs or murderous Islamists, take over. They're going to anyway, so just let it happen. Oh don't sulk. We do it all the time.

2. Wait out the first generation, then the second. (The second generation will be less ideological than the first, but much nastier, possibly psychopathic.)

3. In the third generation, a revolution will occur as the oppressed populace overthrows their evil, corrupt leaders. The murderous Islamists will be replaced by evil secular thugs. The evil secular thugs will be replaced by murderous Islamists. After a brief period of sunshine, the oppression will continue, just a different kind.

4. The fourth generation will suck just as bad as the third. Maybe worse. There's still nothing you can do. (There may be an opposition out there, but it will be fragmented, exiled, or corrupt. Possibly all three. Give them money and air time if you want, but don't look at any intelligence they give you, for God's sake.)

5. The fifth generation will see a thaw and a moderation. You can open some preliminary negotiations and reconnect any diplomatic ties you've broken if you want, but it won't matter because...

6. ...the sixth generation will be reactionary and extra thuggish. You can't really talk to them. Not much to say here except to wait for...

7. ...the seventh generation. This one will be tricky. This regime is still going to talk like it's just like all the other regimes, in terms of nastiness. However, watch what it actually does. (This will be especially hard for people who can't tell the difference between saying and doing.) It may be less nasty. You still won't be able to negotiate with it, because, well, negotiation requires talking, and when this regime talks it's still going to sound like the sixth generation. But there will be a difference. All you have to do is refrain from blowing anything up.

8. The eighth generation. Finally, we're getting somewhere. Like magic, they'll hold some elections, allow some free political speech, that sort of thing. It will be in fits and starts, and there might be some backsliding, but hopefully, at the end of it, you'll have a free country with professional golfers, a stock exchange, and eating disorders, the whole nine yards.

Unless, of course, outside circumstances, like war or extreme poverty, have turned the country into a borderline failed state. Then you're pretty much back to generation one.